okay, long time no see, blogger. haha
i just posted an emo post. now a proper one.
the second part not emo okay, was just unhappy.
i cant be bothered already. nak lepaskan geram je.
guess i'll be okay the next time i see her in school and EVERY CLASS.
im leaving school in a months time anyway. so, shall leave all
negative feelings about these school, schoolmates, teachers and everything else
on this piece of land in chai chee street.

moving on. he's gone. now the ex come back. my sister must be so glad if they
patch things up. hmm.. idk if i'll get affected. do i mind? i have no clue.

oh, i watched johnny english reborn TWICE ! awesome. never fail to laugh.
wana watch many other show. guess gotta wait till after Olevels.

me lost me phone again. hahah. and this time, im not alone.
hakim lost his one also. but he's worst than me. he's uncontactable at all.
i am contactable. got house phone.. :P but, i dont know my one house phone number.
lol kay. and, i havent been contacted for the past 20 hours. ):

i miss band. everyone in band. my sec1 life in band. the glorious moment in band.
the tears, unhappiness, quarrel, nagging, scolding and happy moments there.
everything. cant wait for Genting trip.
miss my saxophone also. haha

kay, im hungry.
i've gained weight anyway. sadd you knowww.
still, im gona go eat now.
ending here
byebye

i dont know what to say about my life.
sometimes, i feel like i dont want any humans at all in my life.
because after all, most of the time, all i get is hurt. but i need them somehow.
i know i should be thinking about my O levels and my future but i cant stop
myself from thinking about those things that are running through my mind.
i realise how badly unappreciated i am to my friends, those whom i love.
not all, but most.
i realise that my presence never made any difference. i realise now where i
actually stand in their life. nowhere.
maybe its just something about me that makes them do whatever that they did.
i wonder why i have been loyal. why i sacrificed time to be their listening ear.
why i bother lending them my shoulder to lean on. when they actually expect me
to have been someone else, that they will call 'brother', 'sister', 'bestfriend' or 'BESTEST bestfriend'.
they wont call me that. maybe they do but they dont mean it.
it your life laa kay. to whoever that will terasa.

anyway, i have been wanting to say this.
fact number 1, im not against Mumtaz.
i like her as a human. i dont despise anyone. anyone that i know.
but, takyah laa interrupt aku bile aku tengah berbual ngn bestfriend kau.
i mean, qeen pn bestfriend aku siol. dari primary school plaktuu.
eventhough we ever did quarrel, had conflicts, we fixed things laa kay.
we've gone through more. you'll have your chance to speak okay.
anyway, aku nie jahat sangat ke sampai kau nak berbual ngn qeen je and not with aku?
or, bodoh sangat in your eyes? or too low of your standard?
i mean, we take the same subjects. except history and geography. all three of us.
i was there, next to qeen abeh aku mcm invisible gitu kat kau. padahal dpn mata je.
okaylaaa, maybe because im NOT your bestfriend. i understand.tapi tanye as classmates pn takleh?
everytime, i do have the urge to ask you how was the paper, but then uh when i see
how desperately you chase after qeen to talk to her, i feel like its okay.
bestfriend comes first. can talk next time and you know what, never had a chance and
then, i dont bother trying anymore.
i know qeen has many bestfriends, the fact that i dont really mind is that her other
friends dont mind intergrating. mcm leena and etc. and they're not even close.
the only link is qeen. but you? we're classmates for TWO freaking years siaa.
same english maths chemistry biology social studies malay from sec1-3 teachers and class !
sometimes after class, when qeen waited for me, you'll leave. when qeen didnt wait
for me, you'll drag her away. when you both wait for me, you'll talk and i'll be lost in the conversation.
i just dont understand why i am really so offended by this. especially for the whole
of these two weeks of prelim. so isolated.

SINGAPORE YOUTH FESTIVAL INDOOR COMPETITION, PING YI MARCHING BAND : SILVER !

we aimed for the moon so that at least when we fail, we get the stars.
we did our best. disappointment is something that i couldnt avoid.
i know i did my best and so did the other fellow pymbs.
we wondered what went wrong. disappointment still cloud over our hearts.
but soon enough i realised, we did just as good as Victoria School.
seriously since we played the same songs. at least we maintained our indoor standard.
conclusion, judging was strict. but its okay, i'm awesome. ^-^v

so yeah, im back to blog again. after so long.
because of some request done a few days ago.. haha (:

life was hectic. band practices and school.
as usual, i dont have time for my family. but they still understand
love them muchhh. <3
now that syf is over, i have more time to concentrate on my studies.
fact is, im just plain lazy.
i shouldn't put the blame on problems that are happening at home.
because, its all in the mind. i am powerful beyond measure and i should
remember that. no point saying when no actions are being taken.

finally stepping down from band. after four faithful years.
i remember how enthu i was when i first joined band. i wouldn't mind
sacrificing my time, coming home late, sleep late, practice extra days just
to do well in band. i couldn't understand why my seniors will say that band
is sucking up their time when, in my opinion, band is so fun..
the naughty bunch will skip band, come late with no reason because they're
just plain lazy and some even quit.
i will get angry at how undisciplined and uncommitted they were since i have the
band welfare at heart *ehemehem* (:
but now i understand. being fully committed is not easy. i survived four years
and i am proud that i did not falter. i must say that the experience i gain in band
is priceless and i can never experience them again anywhere else.
but things dont last, you see. you've got to let go to let new things enter your life.
when i leave ping yi to join other school, i wouldn't wana join band.
because i dont wana complain on how d experience will be different because i know it
will. and i dont wana not be contented by my own decision and regret.


i still miss Hong Kong. and know what, i love you.
yeah, you know, you. priority list, you're still at the bottom.
its good that you havent been a distraction to me. because i trust
you so much, that i believe i dont have the need to think about you.
its really sincere and i swear i never felt this way before.
compared to the other, its different. even with the longest guy.
maybe im speaking to soon. because things might change, something might happen in
the process of getting to know you better and we know things dont last. maybe
this feelings too. or maybe you, or me. i dont know. but im sure i dont want that to
happen.
we should continue letting people think that we are together so that no one will disturb
our relationship, and im seriously enjoying it. because it feels as though we're
walking through the Red Sea.
now that i know that those claps arent silence, its clapping rhythm that are music to my ears.
those emo paragraphs that i wrote before, i realise that i was just too negative. see, things change. (:
i have been a bitch and so is karma. i know i shouldn't have done what i did.
because if not, i would have been happy now with someone else. and i think, i wouldn't
like the idea. i hearts you laa okay. <3


ending here
byebye

im finally online after so long. im seriously multi-tasking. haha.
i think i forgot how to blog. nevermind. it will be refreshed as i go along.
honestly, i miss internet. but i gotta sacrifice. yes, i will sacrifice.
i dont wana have the same fate as them. im learning to suffer now and enjoy later.
what do i have to lose right? no pain, no gain.
but, i cant take it after 3 weeks of school actually.
i gave up too easily? think so too. maybe because, i have distractions.
please linda, stop finding excuses for yourself. yeah, i get that alot. from my fnn teacher and all.
i know my level of endurance is higher than this. i should be trying harder.
but why am i not doing it? i really want an answer.

i really wana express but blogger is seriously not a place to share.
i dont wana sound like an emo anyway. because im aware that my previous updates are so depressing.
ive been afraid to share anyway. im so tired of shedding tears.

well anyway, thanks Sudiana for remembering 4thFebruary. although im so aware that that isnt supposed to count.
since the unproductive two weeks spoils it. but, who the hell cares right? :D
too bad for you boy. :P its just a wasted two weeks that i regretted.
i think i wana celebrate another anniversary. yeahh. for my own good. (:
although what i hoped for is coming true. i guess now is not the time.
integrity, yeahh. doing the right thing even when no one is watching.
for now, you're like at the bottom of my priority list. im so sorry.
well, at least you're still a part of my priority list. :D
i dont wana have anything more than necessary to think about.

i think i should end here and continue with my work instead because multi-tasking is tiring.
i will update if i have the time.
byebye

i am so ashamed of you. curse all devils in the world. so disappointed. for someone whom i look up to, just what every teenage girl would need to grow. whom i respect the most. but you're that wonderful girl no more. i dont recognise you. you're such an embarrassment. curse all devils in the world again. what have we done wrong until you become like this? you were the apple of their eyes. everyone loves you mountain high because of your personality. you used to be so nice and outspoken. now you swallow everything down your throat and never want to share a thing. you changed in a blink. you said your friends are different. you're changing to fit into them. being someone that you're not. why choose them to be your friends then? these are the choices in life that you made. now time is telling you its tale, that you've made the wrong decision. yet you're so blinded and ignorant. still leading your life the way you want it and you're just making a fool out of yourself by doing what you're doing. just 19 and your life is already a total misadventure. whenever we watched tv, all those reality movies, real life cases of astray kids, spoiled and broken, shattered homes, destroyed lives, we vowed not to be like them. why back out now? you think you're big, matured and old enough to think? and you're dead sure you're not gona be like them? what's all this? though your choices wont lead to that, its just as bad. being lesbian, clubbing, smoking, chalets almost every week, short sleeveless dresses; easy upskirt, coming home late, or never at all, going out without permission, treat this house like a hotel. they never groom you to be this way. like that. no. because im not like you. whatever you do, reflects on them and you just show how lousy they are at being parents when they shower you the most love. and im a better "breed"? i am sure i can safely say all that because i dont think i want to be like you anymore. treating you as my role model, no. thats my decision. open your eyes and see the bigger picture. you should be ashamed of yourself. its all the decisions you've made. the path of life that you take. the route that you stride on. you're supposed to lead with example. but look at yourself. you grow independently, influenced by outsiders. or again, its just the decisions that you made. making the right decision is so simple, either this, or that. all you need to do before deciding is look forward to what the outcome may be, think about the consequences. guess you never had any time to spare to go through all that trouble, spending time wisely, thinking. you live your life as it goes on. spending time with friends and all. what is family to you? piece of shit? you're a freaking asshole at this part. you spend your time outside enjoying yourself, party everyday while we, those that always stays home had to watch them quarrel about scandal and money. problems at home doesnt bother you, does it? oh, only you have problems yeah, only you in the freakking whole wide world have problems. ONLY YOU. so you need to get out, leave home and find a peace of mind. yes. fuck you. me and others see her suffer, crying every night thinking about him, wondering what wrong she has done, why misery befall upon her and all you do is add on to all her stress thats weighing down on her instead of being there for her and make things better. selfish woman. see how bad karma gona hit you later in life. curse all freakking devils out there! money again, you spend your salary like there's no tomorrow and what you've done now? disgusting. now that you're so broke, you look for us, your family, didnt you? what does your friends do? friends are just tools that gives you seconds of happiness. not a lifetime, unlike family. why are you so ungrateful? that you have a family, not one member less. you're so lucky yet you want more. how greedy can you be? you dare to even do the most despicable thing. are you that desperate? who taught you that? which devil did? CURSE ALL FUCKING DEVILS OUT THERE! you just made our family look so corrupted. really, what a shame. run all you want, the problem is not going to fade with time. thick blankets cant cover it. brush and clorox wont clear away the black mark you created. you are so vandalised. just what went wrong? i hope you spend some time reflecting on your life, yourself, the things you've done, the choices you make, the number of hearts that you break, the people who cared, the people that could die for you for loving you too much. and after that, i hope you cry the shits out of your cells and wake up your idea.

concert was a blast !
stage fright before concert. and i swear, i really, really shivered.
i managed to overcome it and do my best still.
auto mode switch siaa. haha
i did my best. im proud to say im answerable to myself.
after concert rushed home to shower, get my stuff and be gone to ecp.
but, things didnt go as planned. since, my mum dont allow me to go ecp
because my dad is home and she thought i was tired.
lazy to argue and didnt feel like talking to my dad to ask for permission
so i went to bed. ahaha. i know busted.
i told them all i going there but in the end tak jadi. then i leave amirul, sudiana and raimov for nothing.
alarmed my phone at 5am, but i went back to sleep till 1pm. haha
perangai gemok.
head down to ecp and reached around 4pm.
Crystal and Nurul left when i came.
left Jaafar, Khairudin, Afiq, Zuhairi and Thomas plus me. so pathetic kan? ):
then only left ayam and hotdog. and both tasted so funny. with some seasoning that
they throw non-stop.
but its still edible though. finished up the food then Jaafar, Afiq and me
head down to Santi's house to deliver her stuffs.
day one was better. at least thats what i heard. like everyone came.
exclude me and Zuhairi. mr ashley also come siaa. ! so many people ! hmph.
might as well just book one day right ?
chat on msn till 5am. wth. but awesome. seriously. will do that again tonight.
woke up at 1pm. haha pig siaa.
wanted to go out but tak jadi. nono, not that i want.
i was invited to go out. but tak jadi.

i havent touch any of my books yet.
homeworks. F&N and Bio. haiyaaahhh.
will cheong it till finish on friday. ahahaha
school starting soon. and i havent buy any books for next year.
i dont even have my booklist.
i havent buy new uniform. i want a new bag.
im not prepared ):

im craving. for SSSSSUUUUUSSSSSHHHHHIIIII !!
REALLY ! seriously. forced my mum to bring me eat sushi.
haha. gona really have fun tmr! yeah ! eat till im satisfied.
i entertain my cravings like a monster you see.
gagaga

well, my birthday. a dreadful thing to remember.
its on band camp. ),: nevermind. thats okay.
i'm cool. this year will be the last one anyway. hahaha
after THIS year, no more band camp for me !! WEEE !



listen to the beat. can you hear them?
it beats with you. this heart of mine.
everything you do never fail to curve my straight face.
we're so near yet so far.
just pebbles away but you're so far to reach out to.
they say eyes are windows to our heart.
i cant seem to be able to read you.
neither do i think you can.
maybe those claps are really silent.
you see another day gone by,
and we're nowhere close to what i dream for.
i never stop wishing, that those clap will have rhythm and sound.
and what wonderful music we can create, together.
if only your heart beats with mine, too.
i hearts you.


ending here
byebye

blogger is back. i've been wanting to post about my five days in Hong Kong.
tsk, it recover so slow that i forgot what i wanted to share.
nevermind, lets refresh my memory together. lol?

so, left for Hong Kong just almost a week before ROD.
at Hong Kong, gotta say that my first day sucks.
my unluckiest and saddest sad case ever !
i lost my phone. that's all, not gona elaborate on anymore shits that happened.
i must say that im quite glad i lost my phone.
its like a blessing in disguise and really sort of fated.
God and bestfriends know what's in my phone, and i was somehow 'forced' by God to let it go.
its about time anyway. and i didnt cry because i lose it. i cried because i felt so shitty.
so nothing much on day one. thank god day two was better.
the days just get better everyday as it past. thats all i could remember.
though i cant remember the sequence of events that occurred very well,
i still remember all events ! i remembered one of the nights that we were supposed
to watch the Symphony of Lights at some city near the sea.
its like Singapore sia ! AWESOME ! the wind was like freakkking strong.
the rest went to see the lights whereas me, Qihui, Hakim, Andy, Adnan, Josh and Syaqir hang around the brigde.
me and Josh feeling2 titanic. hope his gf tak marah. but it was just a photo anyway. (:
Hakim got so hyped up and crazy , he jumped around like first time keluar kandang.
gereks uhhh. then we camwhored alot. but another sad case, cant upload them.
my camera memory card spoil. )': luckily it spoils on the fourth day.
because day five was boring too.
some breakfast i dont know when and Hakim keep on commenting on one of the Indian girls about her make up.
totally overdress. and dr punye pandai, try to disturb her by acting 'charmed by her looks', because thats what she seems to want.
end up, the girl mcm terpikat. HOT TOPIC TUU ! haha, kept on disturbing him about it from then on.
well, i stopped eating breakfast after the second day. because its dim sum and vegetarian.
like, wth. tak selera. i sanggup mati kebulur you know.
then mcm biase, ade dua bear on my left and right, Hakim and Andy who will like nag, " kau dari pagi tak makan. makan lah something ." lol, mak aku pun kalah.
serious sia, dorg dua mcm bear.
the last dinner meal was awesome. because we ate at some mosque, finally proper food.
and some more its like Hari Raya Haji belated. so it felt like home.
the science museum was awesome too. ride some stupid car game which everyone enjoys. haha
then went to the toilet with Adnan and Alif. they waited for me for quite awhile so they explored first.
and enter this room of magic. not. haha some video conference room. Alif was at
London or somewhere and i think i was at Hong Kong. Adnan kept 'teleporting' padahal bilik side by side je. haha
kekek ahh. enjoy alot. then go shopping. disneyland was much more fun !
took photo with winnie the pooh, mickey, minnie, goofy, pluto, donald and daisy duck.
photos cant be uploaded. ): wanted to buy mickey's magician conductor hat for mr poh but i scared i burst my wallet.
so haha, yeah bought him some pathetic stuff. at least better than nothing.
i sweeter than him luh ! go melbourne never buy for me anything ! ): grr.
me, qihui and ugi took the space mountain ride. which was the freakking indoor roller coaster ride.
6th storey high. i took the ride despite warning on motion sickness which could aggravate the effects. lol
end up feeling so sickk. we were reminded to gather infront of the castle by 6.30pm to get a good spot
to view the fireworks before disneyland closes. met the guys and asked them to join us
but they took their last 2 round of rides on the space mountain and end up being late for the show.
everyone already gathered there so we didnt get a good spot. Hakim snapped some ugly photos on my camera since he was blocked by trees. ):
we were so excited about the fireworks that we left Hakim's bag behind. he didnt lost it btw.
not as unlucky as me. (:
the exchange to Bishop Hall school was great. the guys there are tall man !
spore guys are like nothing. one of them caught my eyes but, i tetap love melayu lah.
haha passing fancy jer.
snap photos with them, exchange email blabla. played games with Hakim and Josh. and we kept winning some of the games
until the student leaders who was in charge of their booth dont allow us to play anymore.
because we get sweets for free ! sape taknak. bus trip mendak oii so munch and bite is the way to go. ohh, now that i mentioned.
Hong Kong landscape is like WOW ! there's alot of mountains or hills. the scenery is fantastic man.
however to think about it, they desperately need transportation to travel.
jauh lah giler ! haha
i think i covered all that i wanted to say. just that its not in sequence so pandai2 korg lah ehk. haha

came back to singapore safe and sound. my uncle from KL turon just to pick me up seyh.
lol, world. padahal he come down to celebrate Hari Raya je. yelah, sambil menyelam, minum air.
separation makes us realise how much something meant to us. thats what i felt.
i was touched. no matter what shit happened, you are who you are and i cant change that. air yg dicincang tak akan putus. (:
so we head down to ECP and ate satay, ikan bakar and alot more lah ! haha
next day got band. prepare for ROD. blablabla.

ROD was fine anyway although it was quite a rush.
especially my booth. since i left Yuni to do the job all alone.
at least i helped decorate the booth ! i cried mcm bdk mati mak gitu *knock on wood*. rabak giler.
fulfilling day. band, band, band and now, a few more days to Genting.
time flies quite fast hor.
i couldnt celebrate my sis birthday. and as usual, my birthday gona be on band camp.
how many times must i remind myself that ? haha



okay, im having this stupid feeling.
something about you that makes me smile. alone and retardedly.
though its not strong to make me go crazy, it just make me feel better.
but when i start to wonder that maybe those claps are silence, i realised the possibilities are going to hurt me.
maybe this wont happened. i shouldn't have even thought that it will be.
or, it should have been done earlier ?
if only.
i hearts you lah.



ending here
byebye

results are out! yeah! i got promoted! alhamdulillah.
i just sound happy coz im good at it. but fact is, my results are like kns.
i failed three and passed three. means, just passed lah.
my percentage is 50.3% and im like the 19th in class. conclude urself.
i regret not taking history ): really felt so dumb.
my history was like waaaaayyyy better than geog luhhh.
not that much lah but still.. i forgot why i chose geog. )':
its too late to regret though. i cant regret anyway.
there's a reason for everything.. uwaaahhh (: hahaha


for this whole week, post-exam activity week, its like dragon-boat,
carnival plan, dining etiquette, carnival planning, carnival planning, carnival planning.
its not in sequence btw. so since the whole week was filled with carnival plannings,
isn't it obvious that i wont come? haha
yah, thats what i do. i came only to the non-carnival planning days.
but unluckily, dragon-boat was canceled due to the haze.
$5 burnt. lol. semangat already sia. plan what to do and wear. sekali cancel.
dining etiquette was quite fun. we went to eat at Breeks.
theory was a killer because it was boredom. i must say that my family had already
groom me well enough to know the do's and dont's on the table.
just that, i dont practice it. (: this explains why theory killed me.
we all cant wait for practical because we get to eat 3course meal.
awesome.... not.
the soup was the best. the spaghetti sauce was urgh. the chicken was nice. the dessert was yumm..
vanilla ice cream and warm brownie. who could resist that. but i did resist some.
felt so fat and full. so i finished my ice cream only.
Qeen helped me eat the brownie. hhaha anyway, there's nuts so i dont really enjoy it.
bleahhhs
thats all.
and i only came to one carnival planning day.
i was even late and that was the second last day. i helped draw the banner, ugly-ly.
then watched UP. go home. waste time right!
then the next day i never come. last day of school and the release of results slips.
haha prangai. actually i forgot that there's no school on Friday so yeah. thats why.
still, Friday came to school for cm and sl meeting. blabla
many classes were still preparing for the carnival.
i helped Rafifah to colour a cloud! cool. then i left.
then i kept running up and down, looking for Mdm Khor for my report book. but she kept disappearing.
finally found her then went out to eat and blablablabla.
next day, Saturday, Ping Yi Open house and Carnival! YAY! not.
the carnival sucks. let me finish.
because i didnt quite participate in it. so it felt -.-zzz
and when i want to, there's band. forever got performance. but i managed to help out abit.
atleast. but still.... sad case siaa.
didnt get to join my classmates in having fun )':
and my balloons ! my $3 gone ! im so pissed and sad. i gave Vania and she gave Jianhao and he disappear.
and Vania dont want help call sia! wtf. PISSED !
i wanted it to be a rewarding day for me anyway. i treat myself to a soft toy and balloons and that was what happened.
nevermind. i'll buy balloon next carnival. and i'm gona tie the balloon strings on my wrist and never let go.
or even let anyone touch it. =P
it sounds pathetic but balloon fly = money fly.
today, Sunday, performance at Sata. -.-
cool? (: blabla.

days ahead. its a dread thinking about it.
lets see since im so free to list it down.
tmr
1st Nov - bridging
2nd Nov - bridging
3rd Nov - bridging
4th Nov - bridging and band
5th Nov - bridging
6th Nov - bridging
7th Nov - ??
8th Nov - bridging
9th Nov - bridging
10th Nov - bridging
11th Nov - bridging
12th Nov - bridging
13th Nov - band
14th Nov to 18th Nov - Hong Kong trip
19th Nov - band
20th Nov - ROD!
21st Nov - ??
22nd Nov - ??
23rd Nov - band
24th Nov - ??
25th Nov - band
26th Nov - band
27th Nov - band
28th Nov - ??
29th Nov to 3rd Dec - Genting trip
16 DAYS holiday. YAAAAYYY!!
21st Dec - band
22nd Dec - ??
23rd Dec - band
24th Dec - ??
25th Dec - ??
26th Dec - ??
27th Dec to 30th Dec - band camp

New year and school will start again. SYF fever again. pressure again.
omg, im sec4 next year! o levels! i almost forgot. wow, time flies very fast.

okay
too long already.
im so tired.
see what i meant? LOL
okay bye

i wanted to update tmr. but tmr shall be another post if possible. =D
well, last paper already! chemistry! YESZAAAAA!
my fingers just recovered though. it was swollen! *pathetic face* haha
but really, i couldn't bend my right hand fingers. all four of it. and it really grew fatter.
but i recovered already. and i didn't complain okeh! now then i want to *sobs* haha
i don't really want to talk about the papers. i couldn't bring myself to start thinking about what's going to happen next. =D
well, band starting soon. cant wait.

going to have like post-exams activities, then release of results, then holiday.
only God knows what im feeling. i dont know whether i should be scared, happy, excited
or whatever else. the situation is such a pain.
the suspense, the results, the trips. TSK
band starting soon. Yay! or Yay? i dont know. see.



i dont know how love feels anymore. so i dont know how you feel. i dont know what you're going through. i dont know how to be there for you. although i know i've been there before. i know its not the same. my heart was ever hurt, my love was thrown away, like thrash and maybe not once. but i couldn't feel it anymore. i couldn't understand. and when i thought i did, i know i couldn't be of any help. like i said, its not the same. all i know and im very sure of is that everything hurts. it hurts to see you cry. even when we know it might be your fault. it hurts to know all those years are just wasted time and moments and memories. it hurts to see these thing fails in front of you. it hurts to be aware of everything. it hurts to know that i have been hurting you. i never wanted to be selfish. i should have understood your situation but have you been fair to me either? i know now is not about me. but when then? when can it be about me? it hurts you too, doesn't it? my ego, his ego. it does right? i really hope i could rewind time. to see what went wrong. or just rewind further back and stay in the past. but what's done is done. people change. truth will be told. time will tell its tell. you have to let go somehow.


owell, oh! just remembered. went to Charlotte's birthday party last night.
so little people. other than her family members lah. its was held at her aunt's place.
some condo deep deep inside Kambangan area. was late and the last one to arrive.
wanted to buy her birthday present. but since i was already late, decided to change my mind.
and go there empty handed. but she'll get her present. first one on my 'to buy souvenir for' list.
since i'm going Hong Kong. =B whatever. wanted to swim there. but then, i lazy pack stuff.
so dont care. just got my feet wet since Bryan and Aron already splashed on them.
and my face! hit my eyes somemore! got contact lens you know! lol
watch them swim and Vania and Jian Hao dont know do what while me and Jing Yi just sat and chilled.
then we go eat. after eat then we chilled at the jacuzzi area. Charlotte brought sparklers.
the whistling one. then we play awhile then something happened. so we stopped.
so went back to eat somemore. then Charlotte cut cake. then happy2. then me and Aron have cake war. he started it.
Aron damn busted. and gay too. ask me accompany him go toilet. haha.
but i still go ah coz i wanted to go toilet too. we didnt go in the same toilet though. please
then walk back. then Bryan and Aron started playing with my hair. wait, i cant remember how it started.
maybe Bryan started it but anyway, yeah they were like tying my hair in this ultra high bun.
look like some Japanese hairstyle just that, its more retarded. then he center-parted my hair.
HE FREAKING CENTER-PARTED MY HAIR! and he says that its HOT! and know what i said?
haha " I'M NOT LEA MICHELLE LAH, YOU ASS! " because i know how much Bryan want her to be his wife if all other dream wives doesn't want to be his wife.
haha
Aron help me with my hair then i left because its almost 11. like just say bye and walk off.
then Aron was like catching up, because he also want to leave. so we walk together.
kind of ALMOST got lost because we followed his shortcuts and walk under the void decks.
but we didn't so Aron proud. whatever.
then we walk to the other side of the road. alot and alot and alot of empty cab pass by.
i was like flagging and he'll be like "NO!! GO BUS STOP!" *drag me* repeatedly until we were close enough to the bus stop
and he flagged a cab for me. how sweet. the cab smells like watermelon.
and got cockroach also. wth right!. i would have screamed if i wanted to.
but i didn't. haha i so man. LOL. so i was like sitting at the edge of my seat so
that the cockroach won't climb up my back. omg, unimaginable.
then reached home. blablabla.

so i finally updated. people like Jeffrey should get a life. haha
honored? lol seriously, because if not i have to update more post.
when you dont even have any blog! do you? lol


okayokay
ending here
bye

its September holidays now.
i have loads to share!
so, let me talk about Tuesday.
it was Aces and Teacher's day celebration.
Bollywood dancing for the upper sec. retard ah. the instructor syiok sendri. haha
so for the finale, we dance waka waka. level by level. alot of laughter.
i laughed my ass of watching mr ashley dance. hahah he so kayu lah! thats for having too much muscles!! haha
the celebration as usual, will be screaming like siao.
though i was alone, still got Ayu and Syafika and all so taklah paiseyh sgt.
got the best seat in the house! i was in the first row and at the center. beat that!
lol kay tk perlu. neck hurts anyway. but suddenly i felt so unlucky sitting at the center SINCE I DONT KNOW WHO WILL BE PERFORMING.
if i know maybe i will change seat for THE MOMENT and after curtain close i'll sit there again.
EYESIGHT PAIN AH! INFECTION. DISEASE. haha kay dah busted but dont care.
video the dance items. snap photos of Shaza, Junior, Is and the guitarist.
NS and Andrew was the emcees. Raimov says he heard something that i replied to NS when she asked a question.
haha. i didnt know i was that loud because he was somewhere at the center of the hall. and i just say no loudly.
i wasnt even screaming. haha well actually wanted to but my voice got stuck so i was like 'NOOooooo..' haaha. perangai..
scream scream shout shout yell yell
for teachers. manymany teachers. then tired haha apelah
celebration finished then chiong-ed down to canteen to look for Adrian.
he pangseh me. he dont want to go back to Yu Neng when weeks2 before teacher's day arrive
he'll be asking me if i want to go back. telling me to go meet Mdm Dewi. blahblah.
and i'll be replying see first ah, see how, whine whine etc etc
in the end he's the one who dont want go. -.-
because there's band, then they give only 1 hour excuse. then he whine not enough time.
Si Ling help to ask for time extension till 3.30pm then he still dont want go.
padahal skolah dekat je! so i just leave with Qeen and Fieyana.
cab-ed there because i dont want waste time. 1 hr 30 mins is not very long you know!
hahaha especially when reminiscing gona take place. its never ending.
Qeen, Fie, Azreenie, Sabrina, Sufian and Anas jer yg dtg. plus aku. so sikit seyh.
we came then kena halau sia.. because the lower primary kids gona have their recess soon. so cannot stay at canteen
then like i swear i forgot every teacher. except Mdm Dewi and Mdm Zainon. haha wth kan.
so when i was talking to my friends then i realised how much my memory suck. but it was refreshed. (:
talk talk then 2.50pm i left. took 225. bus so slow! waited for 15mins then come.
reached inter then chiong-ed to 222 bus stop. bus also late. text Ryan. asked him if he reached school already.
he said yes. he told me to take cab then i was like, you give me money then you talk. haha
its not like i dont want come early what right. its just that i got no money..
he ask me to come faster because Mr Poh is scolding people for coming late. then i believe sia!
he so basket. haha buat suspense jer tao!
finally bus come but i was still late. i reached at 3.40pm. (:
reena + sarcasm = rashareena shafiqa bte ramli lol
when i reached, Mr Poh was actually smiling up to his ears.
dont know why when i thought he was supposed to be in a bad mood.
check check Ryan tipu. basket betol. serious sia. he still can laugh2 you know! haha grrr..
play play play, 6pm then leave with Raimov and Ashima.
wanted to take 87 with Ashima but she dont want take 222
so i take 87 alone from interchange. slept like pig. break fast 45 mins late. haha
while sleeping, Syafiq Daddy texted me to take care. i was like, why so random then he never reply. lol?

then on Friday.
short day, and wasted time. haha
get back our results. i freakkkkking fail English man!
i think its because of my PAL. i failed that one paper.
i dont know the percentage luhhh.. ): so i failed by two marks.
and i pass Maths! border line jer. alhamdulillah. hehe
i got second for Malay! Ayu beat me by 1 mark. haha
also because of PAL. mcm shit ahhh. geram jer aku
so overall i still pass. somehow i felt better cause this CA wasnt as bad as the previous one.
that was horrendous man. now is just borderline fails.
still got time to improve (:

i paitao Raimov and Ashima. :D
Ashima wanted to break fast with us. but i forgot. hehe
so i go and make plans with primary school friends. haha
then tibe2 on that day, Raimov need to go to Jurong for some reasons.
then Ashima tak dtg skolah! baek ehh kau. haha
so in the end, we paitao each other. lol cause anyway pun mcm no point kan.

okay, skipskip, Reunion with primary school girlfriends!
AWESOME SHIT. RINDU RINDU SUNGGUH. hahaha
since Malays can leave at 6pm to break fast on time, i chiong-ed
to Ehub. take cab some more! just to not be late. see, aku sweet tao.
sacrifice duit untuk korgs. lol, its more to not be late for break fast lah eh padahal. hehe.
Qeen, Fie, Amira, Sab, Hajar and Atiqah(PY) was there. all girls lah.
guys semua ajak pun tak guna. (:
went to eat at BBQ Chicken. tak sedap :X
lol, maybe its not to my liking lah kan.
so before we order, we were like calling the waiter the classic way.
haha *clapclap then finger point up* Fie ajar.
so busted then i was like, "eh, check if the waiter cute ke tak"
then betol2 yg dtg tu cute kao! hhehehe kay linda miang. haha.
but he not that cute lah. as in he's just decent lookingly adorable. (: (: (:
then from then onwards we were like calling him Abang Cute.
we were .. okay tkyah share lebih2. hahah later i smile up to the ear.. haha
skipskip
camwhore alot, alot. ask one of the makcik who work there to snap some photo for us.
we were freezing so we head down to the ladies after we finish.
then Atiqah and Hajaj gotta go. send them to bus stop. while we were reminiscing Atiqah
was crying infront for Aizat. she was heartbroken and we all was like, WTH dont do that for him.
but we still let her cry. theni pause her tears just to take a hot with her. haha
sempat eyh. then continue camwhoring after they left.
decided to go swamp but then Sab and Fie got so superstitious so we just duduk pat park.
we reminisce some more. about our common ex boyf : Haziq sepet.
lol we were so kental. how he was throwing himself around. how we were betrayed by him.
how we were so in love with him. haha then what that guy used to like me lah
used to like her , gossips and bitches. hahaha so kekek
how much we've grown. all those stupid moments are something to laugh at, now that we're more matured.
cant say much for the guys. hehehe
if this were to continue, it will never end. so i shall stop here.

today, went out to buy my baju raya. like finally. and bought my lenses. finally also.
because i lost one of my previous lens and it was so annoying because it was transparent.
so cannot find. geram jer. and my degree naik. wth so rabak. linda.. linda..

kaylah i updated long long.
tired tao!

ending here
byebye

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE! and Asyraf!

i'm still down with a flu. this time round of being sick,
all my energy were used up and i took quite a long time to recover.
because, this whole week has been busy. rehearsal, performance.
i havent die. and i havent do my homework. haha
seriously, i endured. good band member. haha and fail ah.
i didnt come to school on thursday. cannot tahan. missed NDP rehearsal.
its just a rehearsal. so okay, move on. havent recover but still i come for performance the next day.
got annoyed and irritated early morning. so freaking pissed. and i am still pissed.
sunday, performance at Kaki Bukit. i get to see the YOG torch! okay so jakun. haha
i swear, i miss that place. almost 2 years
i didnt step foot there. oh, before that, i almost fainted during practice.
like wth, its just the exact feeling when i almost faint on the field back in 2008
before i got thrown to saxophone section from french horn section. haha. i saw doubles.
i ate, you see. i actually do. breakfast and it was quite heavy. i was fine when i was changing into uniform.
but when i took the deep breath that i have to to blow long notes, i saw doubles.
my head spin. my hand got weak, luckily, there's strap to support my instrument. if
not that thing fly.
i was like trying to grab Jonathan by his hand but i just managed to hold. he tld me to sit and i did.
then i felt like vomitting but my stomach was empty. like wth, i dont actually know what is wrong.
so when Mr Poh, Ms Ng and others asked i just say i havent eat. but i did! okay so crap.

i know i got zero for my F&N practical. thats what they say because i didnt come to school on thursday.
so heartbreaking. seriously, its something that i was looking forward to yet..
i couldnt make it due to the fever. i cant help it though. at least i have a good
reason to make myself feel better. but its so unfair to me. TSK its okay. shall just cook at home for myself.

i promised myself to start studying next week. after all busy stuff is done.
i lost focus for so long, time to get back on track. enough of disappointing myself.
im so aware i have been lazing around. linda.. linda.. there's still time.
PRAY FOR ME!

since its been ages when i last online, facebook was flooded. it will be when i disappear again after this.
an ex-classmate tagged me a photo of my Primary 2 class. to be honest, my memory was
actually regained by that photo.
i forgot who used to be in my class. just most of them, not all. and i actually miss them.
haha. see how much we've grown. we're taking our major exams next year. wow.
time flies very fast.

oh, and im vowing to stay single for another year. although i already accomplished
it (YAY!) but its somehow disrupted for two weeks. i felt so dumb. and i lost track of the dates.
so lets just start all over again. since i have nothing better to do. i am so proud of myself.
this gona save me LOADS of nags from my mum about BGR.

and i shall dedicate this whole paragraph to my friend. you owe me $10! haha
Dzulreza Fayumi Bin Ramlan. my Baritonist friend from Woodlans Sec and he requested
that i make him feel honoured when he reads my blog. so since im a good friend, thats what im gona do.
and i already did. seriously reza, you owe me $10 :B hehe


(classic sign off)
ending here now
byebye

im back to update. hello.
so life have been great.
today i patch back with sudiana.
means, im nt single anymore.
got back one of my lesbian partner.
nw im back in being a lesbian.
what can i say...

lol, okay i find 'talking' in straight tone is retarded. haha
its been so long since i online. just now elephant grow paddlefeet.
cn swim faster than duck. today is boring. i was supposed to go for some malay compo writing competition.
one of the criteria to participate is for us to borrow 6 books from the library.
and i didnt. coz i forgot. since there was band yesterday that got me so tired.
no, i wasnt tired coz of band! will get there soon. and when i remembered, it was too late.
it's already 10.30pm. i texted cikgu and she never layan. then i also heck care.
thought of borrowing it the next day, which is today. but the istruction say the receipts
must be dated some date to 9th july. and today is already 10th july. haha so i heck care also.
and they wanted to meet at Aljunied mrt at 8.15am and i really cant plan my timing coz
i dunoe hw long my journey will be. and i heck care also. lol so in the end, i waste my tym slacking at home.

about the tired part. yah i wasnt tired coz of band. i was tired coz i was mad.
at rashareena. gt so pissed. sumpah. lucky there's aswan, saved my life. good thing
that he live nearby and that he is a kaypo that likes to peep out of his window. if
not maybe im gona hold grudges till now. but yeah, most probably not coz i cant be
mad for too long. and after all, she is still my junior. got to accept her mindset.
after blowing my top, i seriously got so exhausted coz it made me cry.
i mean, its a normal and automatic thing that gona happen when im super mad.
but it was just a matter of minute. i chilled afterwards. thanks to shikin and yuni for helping (:
they have endless supply of tissues. wow. haha

and oh, raimov almost got hit by the bus. close shave sia. blame sudiana.
haha dont know what we were doing then sudiana pushed raimov indirectly.
she pushed me lah, then i pushed raimov, then he land on the road. lucky he was somewhere near the bus' door and not the side mirror.
lol, we were laughing so hard and loud that we didnt hear the bus coming.

kay what else?

ooh, im back in using the shitty puki cookie phone. haha
i left my boyfriend. i dont want to hurt him. he ate too much until he couldnt open his mouth.
he couldnt digest the protein, carbohydrate and fats to all different cells.
haha what crap linda talking? my memory card got full, i tried to arrange my inbox according to names and in the end it couldnt open inbox.
i was so scared im gona have to sacrifice him by trading him in that i decided to gave up on him instead
and use another phone. at least he havent officially died or we have officially broke up.

kay, thats all?

oh wait, how i wish i could read minds.

despite sudiana advise about not to talk about humans, im still gona do it.
coz this one, not exactly human. hahah

things may sound like it has already fallen back into place again but the truth is
no change has been made at all. at all. a shattered glass was left to heal by itself.
you came back to fix it, it sounded so easy. smithereens can never be fixed you know.
it has been awkward and what, its still awkward. i think i know why, coz you changed.
you love your new life now. you've moved on with it. you're already so comfortable. you're starting anew.
oh wait, you didnt. you just became what you were before you joined us.
you were not yourself when you were with us. you change just when you joined us.
and when i thought you really have already changed.
truth is, im tired of thinking about you. but i cant help it coz deep down, i know i still care.
when i seriously know i shouldnt have bothered coz i dont think you cared that much.
and furthermore, you came back. you mess with the flow. and you're gone again.
what you want anyway? i really wish you will read this. coz pls, im so tired of entertaining all this.
or, is it coz u expect us to make the first move?

aiyah, lantak kao lahh..

haha
okay, sudiana. updated

byebye

hello, world.
so i'm updating again. happy?
i swear, i feel like i'm wastng my time. oh, actually i am wasting my time.
i was supposed to do biology online on wiki and heck i'm here.
-.-

well, i needed stapler for some stuff.
out of initiative, mummy bought it for me. how sweet.
and how smart, she didn't buy staples. T.T

Abdul Raimov Shawal Al-Attas Bin Syed Abdul Rahman,
ko kan , satu blom abis ko dah cari lagi satu..
ko jgn tambah lagi masalah sudah. tkpe nti bile2 aku ingat nti aku bbl ngn ko jelah kay.
haha
oh, aku sayang ko jgk
(:

well, i didnt get to go to bbq. due to fever. 39degrees siot.
haha okaylah its actually nt that bad. i had a throbbing headeache.
haha so panadol-ish. lol but true luh. i was actually sitting on the floor while bathing.
and oh, that reminds me. i had this conversation with my mum.
i was like confiding in her and trying to share wth her how bad my headeache was.

me: you know, i took everything down to the floor. the body shampoo, hair shampoo, toothpaste and toothbrush. i sat down, fold my legs and shower. (interrupted)
my mum: ah yah! same2! i do that too sometimes! haha. the new floor very comfortable ah. you can lie down on it too. ^~^
me: T.T

sad case sia. she ignored me. and talk abt the new flooring.
yah, kay i'm still sick.
amirul owe me a souvenir. haha, muke tembok sia. lol
well, he'll be back tmr.

oh, i miss Sudiana Said.

bye world.

so, what's up?
okay wait. first, congratulation to myself for passing my exams. nyeheh
although i failed three papers which resulted in me failing three subjects.
and all shits from teachers. blahh. and i need to bring my parents down to get my slip.
so, claps...
well, band resumed. yaaaaayyy.
at least there are things to do. like i said, i got no life.

so since i am lifeless, i checked my friendster. super lame right?
its freaking......*speechless* old?
okay so i checked my messages, bulletin all that shits. and i found old flame's msgs.
wow, i realised i used to have a cute boy as my boyf. wtf hahah
then i started having flashbacks of others. what crap sia.
not including the latest one. well, though he havent text me for two days.
i dont actually care. coz im actually tired of entertaining people and ignoring people.

let me end here today
byebye

hello peepo. im back just to say that i will be gone again.
so, see how time flies. very fast. my previous-previous post has been a sad one, i must say.
things aint the same anymore now.
it means, you must not be too attached to something. learn to let go. haha
so yeah, im moving on. since he wants it that way, i cant do anything.
he changed. i changed. we all do. i miss those times, i love it. the feeling.the surrounding.
its so irreplaceable. i might be hurting anyone out there. he/she just need to understand.
well, i cant expect others to understand when i dont understand it myself.
all i know is that, i no longer have any place in his heart or even ever existed in his life.
now, he live his life and i live my life. we need our space to breathe and grow.
let time tell its tale.

its exam now, i cant afford to get myself distracted. i just couldnt help it.
im aware, that im living with hypocrites, surrounded, and eventually being just like them.
faking a smile each and everyday. feigning happiness, all those laughters.
im not as strong as i look. all the things you see are just the things you understand.
you come to me, confide in me. yes, i said i'll be there for you. but it just seem to be too much to handle.
i need a pillar of support too okay. its just too much that im affected and i'll fall.
im not strong for this. im feeling just as insecure as you are. sharing doesnt help.
the feeling doesnt go away with all the words that left my lips.
some time alone might be the best but how long am i supposed to run away?

time to fake a smile now, again. haha
so yeah, exams are fine. i must say i am proud of myself for at least trying to study.
its scary how to see my grades drop from sec one.
it was, WOW.
i dont know what im doing with my life. what shit im soaking myself in.
teachers will usually go ; 'you are an O level candidate'
i'll freaked out by the time they finished their sentence.
im aware. i know. i'll question myself. so this go on and im still so blank.
what can i say...
so, a few papers are a breeze. i have lots of confident when answering but as per normal,
usually, the answers just couldnt let me get the marks. i dont get it.
so, now ive got my answers written, im just left in praying hard.
3 more papers left. im going to enjoy long hours of sleep after that.
i got no life, so?
its not the time to celebrate yet what right.
anyway, i actually need those sleeping hours. i havent been sleeping well.
im unable to sleep at 12am, waking up at 6.30am, get ready by 7am and reach school before 7.25am.
the timing is perfect. because i used to live so near.
and oh, that reminds me, i miss sharifah khairunnisa and boo keong! haaha
plus all my other primary school best friends. memories...
back to the story.
but now, haiz.. i need to sleep earlier. 11pm should be the latest!
i got to wake up latest by 5.30am to get ready on time.
and leave home by 6.25am, wait for lift, walk to bus stop and reached before 6.30am to take the 6.30am bus.
sometimes the lift took too long coz some people from other floors delay it. grr..
so i missed the bus. still, misery dont stop there. i stll need to walk from technopark. wait, im complaining too much on this.
irritating sia linda. well, im just sharing. haha
i know you will say some people might be suffering more. you wont understand until you taste it okeyh!
haha, okay its funny why i suddenly felt it.
i miss band. it seems like i have too much time at hand at such that i dont know how to spend it.
especially my diffeent sizes of babies. as in the instrument. not the players.
haha, well, i miss them too. i miss just doing band stuff lah kay.
like falling in, running up with our bags, setting up, warming up blahblah. the times.
getting scoldings and scolding. alot to learn everyday. time are never wasted.
now what..? kay, just anticipating for band to start again.
its hard to please humans anyway. i'll eventually be complaining again that band is sucking too much of my time. haha
at least im occupied and distracted by a good reason or a better reason.

i guess this post is long enough for an after-so-long-update.
i'll end here for now.
byebye